avianca can suck my...

dont fly with avianca. at least not from ecuador. they are unaccommodating, mean and all around dont give a shit if youre a living breathing human being or a mortal remains extremity as long as they get paid a big check at the end of the day.

more details to come...but i just wanted to throw this out there to anyone who is buying their plane ticket as we speak in another window...bc lets face it...aiesecers do that.

its over.

so im back in ecuador after two weeks of in peru in an internet cafe bc its too damn hot in guayaquil to do anything except find an air conditioned space (which is so rare) and sit until its afternoon...i hate those kind of climates where the heat and humidity are so strong that there is no way to cool yourself down while youre outside...new york falls are my favorite climates :)

so i cant believe its over. my flight is tomorrow night so that i get back to new york tuesday. i just cant believe that 3 months have passed...i dont know whether it feels like 3 weeks or 3 years since i got here...weird how that happens.

i wonder who ive become in relation to the old me...if i look different...if i speak with a funny accent...if ill receive life in the same way as i did before i left...if anything subtle but lifechanging has happened to my friends and family...if they finished working on the thurston bridge in ithaca yet (god knows how long that projects been going on)...if the reality i lived in before is going to even resemble my new reality...

while on the bus from lima i had all these thoughts i wanted to put in my blog...but of course ive forgotten them (one thing that has changed is that my memory has gone to shit) and now feel like i want to express so much but cant even begin to put it into words...

one thing that i have been thinking about is am i sad to go home. the answer? no...i know once i get home ill be able to do something tangible with my time instead of just further ´´developing´´ myself viscerally. also my experience in quito had good things and bad things, and as much as i know ill just remember the good things when i go back i dont think i could have endured the bad things for much longer...i think ill have another entry once im back on US soil about the bad things and an advisory list for all of you to see :)

ok so they just turned the AC off in here and ive completely lost my concentration, so im heading out...literally...

la ultima semana

so this is my last week in quito...in fact its my second to last full day here...and as im waiting for my friend to get out of her volunteering job so we can go explore and take the pictures i never took of the city, ive been reflecting on my time here...

so this morning instead of getting off the bus at my normal stop i continued on bc my entire 2.5 months here ive been wanting to see where the aguila dorada goes after juan leon mera...during this extended trip i realized in this short amount of time i accomplished some of the things on my visceral life ´´to do´´ list...

1. i learned another language.
2. i finally mended the relationship with my parents.
3. i became a steady reader for pleasure (that may not make gramatical sense and may have a dirty connotation but i think u get the point)
4. ive gotten over some of my quirks related to bodily noise (operative word SOME...and for those of you who know me u know that i have a LOT of quirks related to bodily noises)
5. i now KNOW that i have true friends that will share with me my past, present and future
6. i have a south american stamp in my passport
7. i have couch offers in colombia, guatemala, venezuela, brazil, and mexico...only hundreds of more countries to go :)

another thing that wasnt on my life to do list that has happened is my confidence (and sometimes overconfidence) has been completely shattered...now some people would think this is a bad thing but its such a relief for me...bc now i really understand and know that i have SO much more growing up to do, which to me is such a great feeling because that means im not just going to settle for what is in front of me bc i know there is so much more out there than just my reality...i want to explore and get to know my friends´, family´s, and strangers´realities and see where mine fits in...

another thing that has come about due to my confidence shattering is the realization that i really dont know shit and that i am hardly ever right. now for those of u that know me u understand that this is a HUGEEEEEEEEEEEE thing for me bc i tend to be a little ´´im right´´ in my tone when im arguing even if im not bc im just stubborn, but my stubbornness has subsided a little bc i realize that i am not really right because in reality ´´right´´ is relative (that is a lot of ´´r´´ sounds)...i mean dont get me wrong i still get into my arguments but now i argue to show that my opinion is valid rather than right...dont get me wrong its a slow process but the fact that its in process is really satisfying...

ok i think thats long enough. my next entry shall be not in ecuador...

the day after

i never realized how much one week could change me. as i feel the vivid memories and that feeling slipping away and becoming more distant, i feel something else coming into its place...something that i have never felt before...like pure unadulterated determination. even as im dealing with the possibility of not being able to do a traineeship in brazil this summer (its a long story, and though im upset i completely understand my parents point of view...we´ll see what happens) this determination is not conceding (sp?--spelling was the only subject in grade school that i got a below satisfactory on...that and my ability to deal with rejection...yea something like that was on my report card in first grade).

and finally ive stopped feeling like my ceed was a failure because after talking to the lcp i realize that i really did try and everyone took notice...she said that someone on the eb actually said that im the best ceeder ever, which both suprised me and made me feel really good about myself and what im doing here.

now is the time to take the next step...my next step will either happen in brazil where i will work in a corporate responsibility development traineeship and simultaneously help AIESEC Recife design and implement their project on CR and help design the project i want to start in my lc, or i will be staying in ithaca, making some money, working on aiesec and trying to be a faci for our summer conference...either way i go i know ill be happy (though brazil would be really amazing...) and using all ive learned and all thats been awakened in my from AXLDS.

another part of the next step in maintaining contact with all those i met at the conference. i really did meet some amazing individuals, including some from the US that i may have never gotten to know so well which would have been a pity bc theyre amazing (esp katy who really just makes me happy every time i see her and with whom i have at least another semester of aiesec with :)). i think ive been good at keeping in contact with people from home while im abroad, so lets see if i can keep in touch with people from abroad while im home! its definitely possibly and those people have inspired me enough that i will more than want to do it!

as home gets closer and closer i realize more and more how much i love being abroad. like im not going to lie i would probably never live in quito (mostly bc the pollution is pretty bad and the men gross me out) but living here has been such an amazing experience that i could see myself living abroad for an extended period of time in the near future (meaning next 5 years...yea sorry mom and dad but its probably going to happen). even with the bad aspects (which i will write about upon my return to the US because it would be rude to write them while here and having someone find my entry and then its just awkward) i really have enjoyed the experience i have had and who i have become...and i think all u back at home are going to like me too :)

and so to quote american pie ´´to the next step´´...(yea david i just quoted american pie even tho i claim to hate it...so sue me...)

axlds...

was incredible. it wasnt just one thing that made it incredible it was a culmonation of all the things that made it incredible...the sessions, the people (oh the people), the speeches, the side conversations, the environment, the roll calls, the powerpoints...everything. and my motivation is sky high...

but this time my motivation is different. its not the usual butterflies in the stomach excitement...its the feeling of clarity in my head neck and shoulders that yes, i am finally ready to produce results instead of just desiring to produce results...

i dont know how long this post is going to be because i think i need to write out first my experience in order to do it justice...lets just say everything in the past year has happened so that i could get what i did get out of this conference...the successes, the failures, the hardships...all of them happened so that i could learn and grow and realize how much ive already grown as much as i did in the past 12 days...

this is the first of a few posts about this experience...more probably to come this afternoon while im making the output for quito :)