holy shit.

I realize that i dont have much time left here...i know ive said that before but its REALLY hitting me now...after tomorrow i have exactly 1 full week of CEED work left! Thats because i leave next Thursday for AXLDS in mexico (thats right baby...im fuckin stoked...yea i just said stoked...get over it) and then when I come back its like 2 days before La Semana Santa which is the week of easter so schools out and people travel to be with family. This is also when the guayaquil crew is coming to visit good ol quito for 4 days (yay!)...then after this i have one week left before i leave for peru...

As i look back at everything from the past 2 months i cant help but feel like my being here didnt make a difference...i mean i kind of updated the website and made the t-shirt design (tho the tshirts havent been made yet but lets not talk about that bc im just BEYOND frustrated about that shit) and revamped the powerpoint for the trainees that come and made a few sales calls none of which have come to fruition as of yet...but i have little that is tangible to show. That frustrates me bc as much as i like ambiguity i like tangibility when it comes to my efforts and work, esp in aiesec! The thing is my lack of tangible productivity is not completely my fault...its the fault of the LC as well...when i got here they had already completed about æ of the work i was supposed to be helping out with and then assigned me stuff to do that they had not previously asked if i had the skills to do it (aka the damn website) and clearly couldnt do on my own...a birdy once told me that this is a consequence of doing a CEED and that you have to be proactive and make your own work...which i did but then when i needed help with getting my hands on certain information or documents it took weeks (sometimes even months) to get a hold of it...this was because a) no one from aiesec gave it to me even though i repeated asked for it for a few weeks straight and b) bc .net sucks balls (no offense to whoever invented .net...its great in theory but in actuality its crap to navigate)...

So i guess thats my little vent/rationalization of my CEED experience...i want to mention tho that it was NOT a complete waste of 2 months so far...ive learned so much about PBoXes and sales and promotion and AIESEC in latin america and all the jazz (not to mention about my existential self) that i will proactively bring back to my LC...so what i lack in tangible productivity i will make up in the coming 1 (maybe 2 if i stay on for a masters) year(s) at corn-izzle.

Ok so if anyone is planning on coming to ecuador for the purpose of learning spanish, i HIGHLY recommend the Simon Bolivar schools...for the past 3 weeks i have been taking lessons there and my spanish has GREATLY improved...like i cant explain how well i can understand and how much better i can speak now...in fact i spoke in front of 2 classes today to help promote aiesec (its their recruitment time)...and as much as i was nervous i found my self very capable of speaking and thinking on my feet in spanish...its making me so excited that i can kind of speak spanish...i remember when i was a junior in high school i made a resolution to myself in the shower one day (where i make all my resolutions) that i would learn to speak spanish fluently and when im older and have a family i would raise a bilingual household...and its weird bc im definitely taking the first step! And i wont let myself forget spanish either...ive been trudging thru the third harry potter in spanish and i have isabella allende’s hija de la fortuna waiting for me back in new york...also sr. maas and i were talking about next fall we will having spanish/csr happy hour during the scheduled LTMs to resist going to the LTMs because we are no longer leadership team, so of course that will help us both maintain our spanish...

Because this experience is winding down im looking back at how different i feel now compared to my first weeks...and as much as my first few weeks were beyond difficult i dont regret a thing...every decision i made has helped me become who i am right now ahorita at this moment...and i dont regret one second of the past 2 months.

Thats a good feeling.